you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
