Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am naked and annoyed.
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