She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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