I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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