Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
