Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
