i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
