Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize