You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
