: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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