shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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