Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
