After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
