bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
