she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
