You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
