Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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