she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
