I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
