I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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