oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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