i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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