sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
