Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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