My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
