life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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