We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
