it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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