I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
