I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
