True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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