my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
