So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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