remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
