have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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