She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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