Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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