I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
