Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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