Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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