You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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