So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
