Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
