I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
