I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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