I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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