This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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