dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it because I queefed?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
