I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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