I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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