the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
