Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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