Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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