You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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