remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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