none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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