We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
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The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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