After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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