Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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