I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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