Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your cock deserves a montage
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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