girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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