Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.