WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.