this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter