What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
