I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
