I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize