Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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