She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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