Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
